Well here we are smack dab in the middle or Lane’s radiation and chemotherapy regiment. I’d like to show you what we’ve been up to since my last post (which has been a while) and how we are doing today.
Our very first time shooting (We live in Idaho now… I think it’s a requirement!)
A butterfly, an owl and a unicorn stopped by for Halloween.
Princess party at Disney on Ice.
We had a sweet Belle turn 6!
Some pretty amazing cancer fighting gear was made for Lane (Thank you Peach’s Neet Feet).
We’ve been serenaded in our room and welcomed surprise packages when we got home.
We’ve officially became Team Lanie Bug and have a ton of groupies.
We take selfies in the kitchen before school.
A couple of weeks before radiation treatment began we noticed some changes in Lane. She began suffering from neuropathy, her hands and feet are weakened by nerve damage, simple tasks from holding a spoon to walking and standing became challenging for her. That day that we visually understood the affect that chemo was having was indeed a “last straw” moment and Greg and I cried for our daughter.
Lane’s dose was reduced by half because of the severity of the side affects…this was just 2 weeks before radiation began. Even though we ache for Lane, she does not ache for herself. She asks for help but never complains. She laughs about much and cries about little. She can’t put her shoes on or brush her teeth but she does laugh loud, joke often and play much.
Lane is the definition of contentment.
Lane started radiation on a Monday at 6 a.m. check-in. We held her in our arms as they sedated her. She was terrified and so were we.
My heart is screaming:
“I will never be okay with any of this.”
“I will never accept what is happening to her.”
As always we will do what we have to do in hopes for a bright, healthy and joyous future.
Lane on the other hand is teaching me something much different.
She has a brazen will to get past the hard stuff and onto life.
She voiced her fear about the first moments of the sedation medicine. It makes her feel like she’s screaming and we can’t hear her. So as she sits on our lap and as the medicine is administered she lays her head on our chest and we whisper,
“We can hear you, we can see you, we are right here”
She takes a deep breath and she’s swallowing her fear.
Each day is better. Each day she tries to stay calm and tries to wake up light hearted.
This little girl gets up at 5 a.m. with a smile on her face and has slowly sought out the positives of this grueling experience.
She loves the nurses and the little reindeer on the walls.
She likes her wagon ride from the surgery center to radiation.
She likes that her cheeze-its are ready and waiting when she wakes up.
All of my emotions are sewn into my heart with a very thin thread so before I come undone a few words to leave you with,
Lane is incredibly strong, lovely, brave and stubborn. Lane is 4. Lane is amazing!