Just Breathe

My beautiful girl right after recurrence diagnosis.                               Photo credit:Harmony Neely Clayton


The morning rides aren’t so bad. We know almost all the songs by heart on our favorite radio station. To date Lane has completed 21 of 25 radiation sessions. In all treatment combined Lane will have endured almost 50 sessions of radiation therapy.We roll into our parking spot labeled radiation/oncology  and double check our essentials.


Lane and Snowflake.

We only wait for a few minutes until Lane is summoned by our favorite radiation techs. They always solicit a smile from Lane as they say hello to snowflake and offer Lane encouragement for the mornings treatment. She climbs onto the table and is always offered a warm blanket. I hold her arms as she cuddles snowflake while they bolt down the mask. The first go around was monumental (you can read that here) but this time was a thoughtful decision to endure her treatment awake. Her first treatment was the hardest. As the mask was bolted down and I tucked her blankets up she put her hand on my face and we waited moments in silence. As she closed her eyes and tears spilled outside her plastic mask I began to severely question my blessing of this barbaric contraption.  I chased those costly tears with my shaking finger and thought how earned and precious they were. I have never been so thankful that those tears are held and counted by my Jesus.

She took a deep breath and told me she was ready.
She has since conquered every treatment with a smile!

Radiation is actually a smaller part of this pictures. She endures chemo treatments that put her in the hospital for about three days. Usually her counts drop so significantly by the following weekend that we are back in the hospital for several days. Our experience this time is drastically different than her first treatment. We have had many low days and some high ones. We’ve learned to enjoy and delight in the little things because sometimes bad days just seems to be inevitably perpetual.

I have found to my great challenge that being thankful is the answer…and by great challenge I mean GREAT CHALLENGE. However, when I lift my head and let the dust of life settle I can see goodness.


-I’m thankful for the people that make Lane smile.
-My beautiful girls and enduring husband.

-The art,jewelry,music and science volunteers that help make the hospital fun.

-Polly Schindler, through the loss of a beautiful child has helped so many other beautiful children in their fight against cancer.
-Denise and Mike Maxson, ACCOIN, for always offering a kind smile and always giving a helping hand.
-The nurses that really work hard to get Lane home and offer their compassion on hard days.
-Free icecream for breakfast! Seriously, that was a great morning!
-Rooftop deck for Frisbee even during chemo.

-Friends and family that call and text support.
-Encouraging gifts from sweet friends.
-My bible study Monday and Tuesday! (Love,Love,Love)

-The Portland Zoo that arranged for a behind the scenes tour of the elephants(incredible!)
-Weekend trip to the ocean with our best friends.

-A friend that has spent countless hours watching and loving on my children while I am at the hospital, appointments and treatment.

-We have today!

And I could go on and on…
Yes, this is hard but we still have so much to be thankful for. The very top of my list however is all of you. You pray constantly for Lane and stand in the gap for her on a daily basis. I used to believe that Lane was just an incredibly strong-willed child that somehow managed all of this. I still believe that but I believe it is supernatural. She has been given a blessing of steadfastness. I believe it is because of our persistence before the throne of God.

Thank you.

We have a couple more days of radiation and two more rounds of chemo.  We are closing in on the finish line.  We don’t talk about the odds or the possible outcome but we love deep and we know that God sees us, hears us and loves us.

Breath,just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be,just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
is to just breathe
-Jonny Diaz



5 thoughts on “Just Breathe

  1. Thank you for this, especially the poem “Just Breathe”…we so often forget.  My thoughts and prayers go to your family for healing, happiness, joy for the moment.  We went through this in 1980, 3-4 years of chemo.  He is a tall, strong man with a daughter of his own.  God Bless you.


  2. Love you Bethany. I have been looking for an update and I am so glad to have it. Lane is such a tough cookie and your family has the strength of a pack of lions! I love the pictures. Thank you for attaching them. ❤


  3. I’ve been thinking of Lane, of you all and am glad to read the update. Your family is strong and Lane so incredibly brave… you’re in my prayers. ❤


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